Best Dad Jokes

    If you're a dad yourself, don't be afraid to embrace your inner comedian. Let your dad joke flag fly high and proud! Your kids may roll their eyes, but deep down, they secretly love it.
    • I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
    • Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
    • I have a step ladder, I never knew my real ladder
    • Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
    • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
    • What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
    • Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
    • I would tell you a joke about an unfinished painting, but it’s not done yet.
    • What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
    • Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

    • What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
    • I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
    • How do you organize a space party? You planet.
    • Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
    • I'm reading a book on the history of glue. Can't put it down.
    • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
    • I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
    • What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
    • How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

    • What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
    • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
    • Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
    • Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
    • I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.
    • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
    • What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine!
    • I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
    • I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
    • Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
    • What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

     

    • Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
    • Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
    • What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
    • What did one hat say to the other? Stay here; I’m going on ahead.
    • Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
    • Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
    • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    • Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
    • What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish.
    • Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
    • Why are frogs so happy? Because they eat whatever bugs them.
    • What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
    • Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
    • What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.

    Worlds best farter

    • I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
    • Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
    • Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one.
    • What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.
    • What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
    • I'm terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
    • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
    • Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always Spotted
    • I would tell you a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
    • What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

    Choking Hazard

    • What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.
    • What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
    • How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
    • What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
    • What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
    • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
    • What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
    • Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
    • What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
    • Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
    • I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something.

    Dod or do not there is no try

    • Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? The kid woke up.
    • Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.
    • What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
    • What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
    • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

    • Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
    • How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
    • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
    • Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"? Because every play has a cast.
    • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
    • I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
    • Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
    • Of all the inventions, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
    • I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.

    you get me so wet

     

     

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